Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
