Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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