Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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