Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The power of my boobs compel you
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
