I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
