Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
