someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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