If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
