my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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