3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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