That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
