Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
