New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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