i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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