I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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