Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
