cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
