I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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