I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
