What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize