Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
