I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
