Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize