I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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