The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize