i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Randomize