My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
