Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
