well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
