Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
