Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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