I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
