I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
