I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just had sex on a roof
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
