well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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