you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's just like the Real World with babies
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
