This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
