I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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