wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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