I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
