I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
