I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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