Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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