So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
