Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
