I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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