being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You need a sexual gate keeper
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize