Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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