I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
