I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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