I can text with my tongue
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
