Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize