My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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