I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
false alarm, still single
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize