I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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