I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
babies were throwing up all over the place
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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