I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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