Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
