my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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