We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize