proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My life is pants optional.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
