i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize