the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
