I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
