I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
