She said her name was "party"
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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