doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
