also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
