What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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