when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
