I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
