Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
