1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize