I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
