I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
