You can't motorboat a personality
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
