WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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