and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
