I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
