Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
