he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
