I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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