I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
