How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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