I met the friendliest cop last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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