Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
