I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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