Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
