I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
