oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So squirting runs in the family.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize