Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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