Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
