I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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