i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
