Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize