Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
