Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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