apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just had sex on a roof
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
