I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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