Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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