Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
